.."I love you" has 8 letters.. But so is "Bullshit"..
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I don't know i could still write poetry. I haven't written anything since last
Wednesday, the 1st of November. Because for the past few days, I've been forcing myself
to believe that I, a 17- year -old girl, could never be with the one person
that I truly learned to care about.
I'd lost him.
But the funny thing is the pain, instead of helping
me write, keeps me from turning it to words.
My hands are tied.. My eyes are shut with tears..
My heart, already broken, has now completely shattered.
Losing him has made me lose my head & I don't know if I could still find the
strength that has left me.
I'd lost him.
And i knew the nights we've shared have melted through the past,
the poetries I have written were all forgotten,
the music I've played with him was nothing more but a memory.
Now I wish he took my pain along with him, so that I'd never feel this way again.
I'd lost him.
And I can't even bear to look at the nightsky again. The stars
reminded me of the broken promises, the fun that we had even before we fell inlove,
the times we tried to count the diamonds in the sky.. I don't even want
to see the moon again.. the moon we had named Devian, our names. And I regret the night
I have shown him the beauty of the nightsky, the stars.
I regret making him love the stars and the moon. Now I'm starting to hate the nightsky
that I'd always loved.
I'd lost him.
The nights I'd spent with him were more than nights.
The poems that I'd written weren't just poems.
The music I'd shared with him weren't just music. For all I know, they'r all made out of love.
And out of love came pain.
I never asked anything for this to happen. What kind of girl am I to wish for a boy I love
to hurt and leave me after a night we'd shared?
The 4th of November, my birthday, didn't even feel like one. I was still
in so much grief to thank those people who texted me a Happy Birthday.
Why? Why should I be happy?
My sober mind cannot think of the reasons why I should be happy. All I know is one thing:
I'd lost him.
I know he'd be reading this entry. I know he's hurting too.
We never wanted to let go. We just HAVE to.
I know I'd be seeing him again someday. And when I do, i want him to take my
pain with him.. to double his..
I just want him to feel the pain he has given me as a birthday gift.
The pain he had caused for not fighting for us.
I love you & I know you love me too.
But I wish you know how much I wanted to see the stars again.
